The night of the celebration was to acknowledge my birthday along with a few others whom also had birthdays in August.  One friend offered to buy me shots of Tequilla…I should have stopped at one, instead, I had probably 3 or 4, but it was enough for me to lose control of the rest of my body.  In the end, I lost an article of clothing.  Fortunately I had on designer nylons and a killer pair of high heels and the shirt was long enough that it almost could have been a dress.  For weeks that followed I swore someone stole some of my clothes while in the process of moving into my own apartment.  It was the day I actually moved that I had a quick flash of memory that I remembered what happened to the bottom of that outfit.  It got lost or rather left in the bathroom of RJ Grins in Glendale. 

To date I don’t drink Tequilla.  In fact I stay away from it.  I had one shot at a party I recently attended, but quickly halted all other attempts to give me more.  So, that poem was dedicated to the horrible reaction I had to Tequilla.

Gentle in his touch,
That he held me with
Love and affection and compassion.
Said he never wanted to let me go.
Wanting to always be with me.

He promised he would love me.
Take care of me.
Give me what the world
Could never give me.
Said he would always be there for me.
He said he would never leave me alone.
He said he would shower me with gifts,
Always be my one and all.
And he touched my body,
Inside and out.
Made me feel like I’ve never
Felt before in this life time.
His touch upon my lips
Filled me immensely.

In the end all he did was lie to me.
One lie after another.
He robbed me of my innocence.
Left me in a cold and desolate place
In my mind of lost memory,
Trapped in a broken state.
He left me to fight to remember
Where I was and where I had been.
Leaving me to rely on the trust
Of strangers to find my way home.
I had to run with the wind in my face
To keep from losing consciousness.

In the days that followed,
And they were far too long with no end,
He never called to see if I
Found my way home safely that dark night
He left me alone.
He never returned my countless calls.
We eventually became a distant blur
Of an unspoken love affair
That was nothing more than a one-night stand,
One that was never to transpire.

He stole my clothing.
Robbed me of my dignity and pride.
And there was the one time
I actually cried out of shame.

It was on an unsuspecting day
In the time that followed,
That our paths would soon cross again.
He came calling with the same
Promises and lies.
The same gambles of life.
Oh, yeah,
And that charming smile
And gentle touch.
I partook of his essence
Given to me one last time,
Then I had to fall back on
The memories he left me with
So many years before.
I’m sorry, Tequila,
Your liquid madness
Just isn’t for me.
It’s over between us,
Since you left me alone
In that dark wilderness
Such a long time ago.

(Revised December 9, 2010)

[ALOUD] at Central Library
630 W. 5th St.
Los Angeles, CA 90071
Phone: (213) 228-7000

NEWER POETS 

A Poetry Reading

With Erika Ayon, David Eadington, Dina Hardy, Georgia Jones-Davis, Russell Salamon, and Mike Sonksen

Co-presented with Beyond Baroque and Los Angeles Poetry Festival

FREE, PARKING UNDER BUILDING $4 WITH VALIDATION

Introducing six accomplished poets from the Los Angeles literary world in a lively showcase of poetic voices and styles.

Erika Ayón grew up in South Central, Los Angeles.  She was selected as a 2009 PEN Emerging Voices Fellow and studies poetry through the UCLA Extension Writers’ Program. She is currently working on a collection of poetry titled Orange Lady, the nickname a schoolmate gave her because as a child she assisted her father selling fruit in Los Angeles.

David Eadington, a Southern California native, has been writing and studying poetry since his teens. He holds a BA in English from Boston University and an MA in Comparative Literature from UCLA. He worked in the translation industry for over ten years, and also translates French poetry. His poems have appeared in Xelas Magazine and Check Other Magazine, and are forthcoming in the anthology The Poetry Mystique: Inside the Contemporary Poetry Workshop.

Dina Hardy earned degrees from Pratt Art Institute and the University of Iowa’s Writers’ Workshop. Her work has appeared or is forthcoming in Agni, Black Warrior Review, Margie, Phoebe and Portland Review. She was a finalist in Poets and Writers’ New Voices contest in California in 2003, awarded first place in Southeast Review and Smartish Pace contests, published in Meridian’s Best New Poets 2006 anthology, and earned a Maytag Fellowship from the University of Iowa and a Stegner Fellowship from Stanford University.

Georgia Jones-Davis was born in Los Angeles and raised in New Mexico and California.  She began writing and publishing poetry while a student at UCLA.  Georgia took a twenty-year-hiatus from writing poems while she worked as a reporter, critic and book review editor at the Los Angeles Herald Examiner and later The Los Angeles Times Book Review.  Her work has appeared in Sam Hamill’s online Poets Against War,  Voices From the Valley,  Brevities,  The Bicycle Review,  Cherries for Chopin and The California Review.  She has just completed her first chapbook, Blue Poodle.

Russell Salamon has been writing poetry since 1964 when he discovered the power of words while at college in Cleveland, Ohio. Author of Descent into Cleveland, a novel (1996), Woodsmoke and Green Tea, poems (2006), Ascent from Cleveland: Wild Heart Steel Phoenix, poems (2008). He lives in North Hollywood, CA.

Mike Sonksen, aka Mike the Poet, is widely acclaimed for his live performances, contributions to international publications and legendary city tours. Poet, journalist, historian, tour guide, and teacher, he is published in the L.A. Citybeat, O.C. Weekly, New Angeles, and L.A. Weekly, among others. He is the author of I AM ALIVE IN LOS ANGELES! Mike’s Los Angeles city tours combine poetry and history and have been written up in many publications, including the New York Times.

This event is supported by Poets & Writers, Inc., with a grant it received from the James Irvine Foundation.

I dance around in piles of papers
That pronounce the days of
When there was truly a you and I.
Now it’s just trying to make sense of
Where it is I belong.
Who it is I am.
I’m sacrificing every inch of my being
To please a man who looks at me with his back turned.
Will you ever see that I am here now?
Giving you all of me when I once had all of you?
See me on my knees crying out for you to take
Me into your arms and hold me
Like you never want to let me go.
Love me from the heart I once fell in love with.

These shoulders are weighted down heavy,
That I cannot stand to see the days ahead of me.
I’m wandering around time after time
Wondering what it is I am to do next,
How it is I am to make it to the next day.
Waiting for that one minute to be
Free to live and breathe as I go
Walking from one block to the next
Without worry if I did not cater to
The specifics of your needs.
And yet, you say you do not care.
My pockets are empty for the
Prices I’ve paid loving you
That has become so much harder
Than needing you.
And needing you
Has become my demon.

My heart is heavy,
Shredding in need of someone to
Hold it together to keep from breaking.
I need someone to comfort my soul,
Make me whole again.
Are you that someone?
Or will you cast me out into the sea
Of unnamed lovers
Whom I am to choose to
Mend my breaking heart.
There is so much that
I have sacrificed for you,
And will continue to,
That I do not feel you appreciate me.
It’s the weight of a one-sided affair
That’s grown heavy on me.
Making it unable to bear the lonely days
I live through.
Though you are here.
My heart lays heavy from loving you
That has become so much harder
Than needing you.
And needing you
Has become my demon.

The first time I heard them, I had to sit back and just listen.  I was in awe of the message that was shared in a poetic stance.  They held the arena in open court and shared their experiences in performances I could only say was the best I’ve heard in a long, long time, and felt mediocre following in their shoes.  “I am not worthy!” But I wanted to get my one poem out there.  I felt good to be in their company.

They are moving minds, body and souls with their poetry.

Poetry…
It is the orgasm we feel
When the words strike our souls with fire,
Stimulating our mind,
That we tremble with such force.
We shout in awe of where
The words have allowed us to travel,
To experience the realism of a life
We only dare to dream.

Poetry…
It is the mental stability that
Holds and keeps up together in a saner sense,
When any and everything can
Drive us mad and criminally insane.
It is a threshold of power within its realm,
Moving us to face,
What before,
We could not face…
Our fears.
And yet it embraces us.

Poetry…
It is what brings pen and paper together as one
In a literary world,
Sacrificing other natures of our being
From those things we could have indulged
For this one unique opportunity to
Perform in front of a world,
To let be heard what we’ve only
Come to whisper,
Advocating for a newer equality of life,
Living outside of the barriers of
War and pain,
Singing loudly to the heaven’s for
Love and peace.

One Voice, a Thousand Words of Music
$16.95 at Amazon.com or at Barnes & Noble online

Sins of a Poet
$24.95 at Amazon.com or starting at $22.45 at Barnes & Noble online

Both books can also be purchased at PublishAmerica’s Online Bookstore. Prices may vary.

I will light a candle for every moment
You are not here.
To guide you home when you’ve lost your way.
Your tears I will wipe away,
Left on my fingertips,
Blown away in the blowing wind.
I will love you without questions or conditions,
For you are the world which my life
Cannot be without.

The music that plays reminisces
The waltz we danced on the blue horizon
Not so many moons ago,
And yet they are relived in the shadows of my dreams.

Your sweet embrace comforts me,
Easing the fear that walked across my soul.
And I am comforted by the warmth of your touch,
And filled immensely by the amazing grace
Of God’s good blessings of the morning glories
You and I awake to.

I will love you
Just as you have loved me.
Nothing will change from today,
To tomorrow for you have imprisoned
My heart within your own.
When I am not here,
I am never too far.
You call my name and I will hear you
Even in the heavy rain that falls.

(DRAFT – Copyright 5/29/10, from the 3rd Upcoming Book, “Imperfections”)