Heavy

Heavy is laid upon my soul
Like bricks that weigh my shoulders down,
Wanting to be something I’m clearly no longer
In this lifetime.
My head cannot be lifted to see the rising sun.
My body cringes. The pit of my stomach aches.
I hide behind these dark glasses
To hide in my eyes what I do not want the world to see.
I’m afraid of being judged by a society who sees love
As a commercial commodity.
My knuckles scrape the ground upon which I walk
Carrying the load of worry not knowing where
With you I stand.
My soul aches of feelings
Impossible to bear,
Longing for something to remind me of why it is I am here
Because loving you has become so much harder
Than needing you.
And needing you
Has become my demon.

I dance around in piles of papers
That pronounce the days of
When there was truly a you and I.
Now it’s just trying to make sense of
Where it is I belong.
Who it is I am.
I’m sacrificing every inch of my being
To please a man who looks at me with his back turned.
Will you ever see that I am here now?
Giving you all of me when I once had all of you?
See me on my knees crying out for you to take
Me into your arms and hold me
Like you never want to let me go.
Love me from the heart I once fell in love with.

These shoulders are weighted down heavy,
That I cannot stand to see the days ahead of me.
I’m wandering around time after time
Wondering what it is I am to do next,
How it is I am to make it to the next day.
Waiting for that one minute to be
Free to live and breathe as I go
Walking from one block to the next
Without worry if I did not cater to
The specifics of your needs.
And yet, you say you do not care.
My pockets are empty for the
Prices I’ve paid loving you
That has become so much harder
Than needing you.
And needing you
Has become my demon.

My heart is heavy,
Shredding in need of someone to
Hold it together to keep from breaking.
I need someone to comfort my soul,
Make me whole again.
Are you that someone?
Or will you cast me out into the sea
Of unnamed lovers
Whom I am to choose to
Mend my breaking heart.
There is so much that
I have sacrificed for you,
And will continue to,
That I do not feel you appreciate me.
It’s the weight of a one-sided affair
That’s grown heavy on me.
Making it unable to bear the lonely days
I live through.
Though you are here.
My heart lays heavy from loving you
That has become so much harder
Than needing you.
And needing you
Has become my demon.

Did You Hear About P4CM?

Where real poetry is at.  Passion for Christ Movement, or P4CM as they are profoundly known, lays it down with their uplifting, mind-blowing, goose-bump giving poetry that hails from many walks of life and life’s experiences.  This group is truly a blessing as they walk, breathe and live God’s words, spreading positive messages throughout the city to all ages.

The first time I heard them, I had to sit back and just listen.  I was in awe of the message that was shared in a poetic stance.  They held the arena in open court and shared their experiences in performances I could only say was the best I’ve heard in a long, long time, and felt mediocre following in their shoes.  “I am not worthy!” But I wanted to get my one poem out there.  I felt good to be in their company.

They are moving minds, body and souls with their poetry.

Passion for Christ Movement
Christian Fellowship
(310) 439-9745
info@P4CM.com

Church Address:
1525 E 25th St
Los Angeles, CA 90011, USA

Mailing Address:
8939 S Sepulveda Bl #110-152
Los Angeles, CA 90045, USA

Service Times:
Sunday Service: 11:30 am
Wed Bible Study: 7:30 pm

Visit their site to learn more about their activities and upcoming events, and to see what’s going on with them.  Be prepared to be truly blessed by this great group. 

Poetry

Poetry…
It is the aphrodisiac of the creative mind.
It frees us from ourselves,
From that moment in time
Which has gripped our present reality
To let the words fall from our inner thoughts,
Onto paper,
Flow from our mouths,
The spoken word that tells our story.

Poetry…
It is the orgasm we feel
When the words strike our souls with fire,
Stimulating our mind,
That we tremble with such force.
We shout in awe of where
The words have allowed us to travel,
To experience the realism of a life
We only dare to dream.

Poetry…
It is the mental stability that
Holds and keeps up together in a saner sense,
When any and everything can
Drive us mad and criminally insane.
It is a threshold of power within its realm,
Moving us to face,
What before,
We could not face…
Our fears.
And yet it embraces us.

Poetry…
It is what brings pen and paper together as one
In a literary world,
Sacrificing other natures of our being
From those things we could have indulged
For this one unique opportunity to
Perform in front of a world,
To let be heard what we’ve only
Come to whisper,
Advocating for a newer equality of life,
Living outside of the barriers of
War and pain,
Singing loudly to the heaven’s for
Love and peace.

My Current Books

One Voice, a Thousand Words of Music
$16.95 at Amazon.com or at Barnes & Noble online

Sins of a Poet
$24.95 at Amazon.com or starting at $22.45 at Barnes & Noble online

Both books can also be purchased at PublishAmerica’s Online Bookstore. Prices may vary.

Soul

Deep down my soul aches quietly
Behind the sweet sound of
The whispering wind.
It’s the music that soothes.
The memories of your touch that hurt,
And yet I fear
I am left to bear this burden alone.
The irony that I cannot do without you.
Deep down my soul aches quietly
In the darkness with
Selfish wonders resting on
My shoulders.
What captures me in the far east part
Of my mind
Are the erotic thoughts that seem
To dance around like children on playing grounds.
I cannot oppose this subtle grace
That holds me fearless of doing
Whatever comes natural.
That was just never me.
My naked body cast to the midnight horizon to
Redeem myself of the
Dirty little secrets I’ve kept buried inside.
Didn’t you think enough of me to
Riddle them clean of my aching soul?
I am a slave to that which you behold,
What others call ungodly wantings
Of a man who long since has been mine.

Visions of My Love

I’ll see you.
And I will love you.
My heart will cradle your soul
From within its realm
And it will protect you from within.
Cherishing the love that which you
Have so graciously given to me.

I will light a candle for every moment
You are not here.
To guide you home when you’ve lost your way.
Your tears I will wipe away,
Left on my fingertips,
Blown away in the blowing wind.
I will love you without questions or conditions,
For you are the world which my life
Cannot be without.

The music that plays reminisces
The waltz we danced on the blue horizon
Not so many moons ago,
And yet they are relived in the shadows of my dreams.

Your sweet embrace comforts me,
Easing the fear that walked across my soul.
And I am comforted by the warmth of your touch,
And filled immensely by the amazing grace
Of God’s good blessings of the morning glories
You and I awake to.

I will love you
Just as you have loved me.
Nothing will change from today,
To tomorrow for you have imprisoned
My heart within your own.
When I am not here,
I am never too far.
You call my name and I will hear you
Even in the heavy rain that falls.

(DRAFT – Copyright 5/29/10, from the 3rd Upcoming Book, “Imperfections”)

Black in America

The world will close their eyes to me.
My voice will go unheard.
My tears will go unseen.
My cries will be silenced by the absence of compassion
For I am
Black in America.

A woman,
Fighting to climb my way
Out of a box
No bigger than the space I am standing in,
Spending hour after hour saying
“Yes, sir.”
“No, sir.”
“Thank you, sir.”
Just to collect a paycheck that is
Far below my worth.
I do not make a fuss.
I do not complain.
I do not make reference to my disagreement
Of pay.
It is what feeds me.
It is what keeps me warm at night.
It is what keeps a roof over my head.
It is what puts clothes on my back and shoes on my feet.
It is my life line to surviving being
Black in America.

You will not find me on a corner
Begging for a handout.
For someone to pay my way through a society
That’s already deemed me ignorant
From the day I was born.
I have lived by a pride
That’s taught me the essence of strength.
The equality of life.
It’s given me character,
An identity of self.
An individuality to live beyond the barriers of being
Black in America.

This new generation will rewrite the
Star Spangle Banner,
And “Freedom Ring” will become more
Than just a verse in a song.
I will tell of my glory days when taking a stand for being
Black in America
Will draw out discrimination and the irony of prejudice thinking
And put them to rest forever.
And through our eyes we will all see Jesus as one color,
Where compassion for all mankind
Will reign supreme.

I’ll pull my hair into a pony tail,
Roll up my sleeves to live to fight another day,
For the strength and will power
To climb out of this box and be
Recognized for the woman I was put here to be.
Not some body else’s idea of an unimagined fantasy,
But to be me,
The woman the world chose to leave behind.
I will grab the prize…That which was always mine.
To be the new color of the rainbow,
And others will wish they could share the
Skin I’m in being
Black in America.