Heavy

Heavy is laid upon my soul
Like bricks that weigh my shoulders down,
Wanting to be something I’m clearly no longer
In this lifetime.
My head cannot be lifted to see the rising sun.
My body cringes. The pit of my stomach aches.
I hide behind these dark glasses
To hide in my eyes what I do not want the world to see.
I’m afraid of being judged by a society who sees love
As a commercial commodity.
My knuckles scrape the ground upon which I walk
Carrying the load of worry not knowing where
With you I stand.
My soul aches of feelings
Impossible to bear,
Longing for something to remind me of why it is I am here
Because loving you has become so much harder
Than needing you.
And needing you
Has become my demon.

I dance around in piles of papers
That pronounce the days of
When there was truly a you and I.
Now it’s just trying to make sense of
Where it is I belong.
Who it is I am.
I’m sacrificing every inch of my being
To please a man who looks at me with his back turned.
Will you ever see that I am here now?
Giving you all of me when I once had all of you?
See me on my knees crying out for you to take
Me into your arms and hold me
Like you never want to let me go.
Love me from the heart I once fell in love with.

These shoulders are weighted down heavy,
That I cannot stand to see the days ahead of me.
I’m wandering around time after time
Wondering what it is I am to do next,
How it is I am to make it to the next day.
Waiting for that one minute to be
Free to live and breathe as I go
Walking from one block to the next
Without worry if I did not cater to
The specifics of your needs.
And yet, you say you do not care.
My pockets are empty for the
Prices I’ve paid loving you
That has become so much harder
Than needing you.
And needing you
Has become my demon.

My heart is heavy,
Shredding in need of someone to
Hold it together to keep from breaking.
I need someone to comfort my soul,
Make me whole again.
Are you that someone?
Or will you cast me out into the sea
Of unnamed lovers
Whom I am to choose to
Mend my breaking heart.
There is so much that
I have sacrificed for you,
And will continue to,
That I do not feel you appreciate me.
It’s the weight of a one-sided affair
That’s grown heavy on me.
Making it unable to bear the lonely days
I live through.
Though you are here.
My heart lays heavy from loving you
That has become so much harder
Than needing you.
And needing you
Has become my demon.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: