I’m Not Enough

Where do I begin?
Except to say I’ve given my all.
Thrown myself at his tender mercy
And in return kicked to the ground.
I wear the mental anguish well,
Some would say,
And yet I’m standing tall,
Despite the war wounds I bear.

I’ve not the satisfaction
Of honor, respect
And true love.
Those were taken from me
So long ago.
With nothing more than my sanity to hold on to.
Forced to walk away,
I refused to look back
To see what I’ve left behind.
Afraid to carry that life into tomorrow.

It’s not enough to have worked my fingers to the bone,
That I’ve not bled enough blood
For someone who did not appreciate my spiritual being;
To give life to someone who cared not to
Mend my broken happiness
And love me the way in which I loved him.

I’ve not given enough to satisfy a thirst
I no longer can fulfill.
Never mind,
Tis the day will come when I will be fine,
And he will be a forgotten memory.
And I will be in the arms of someone
Whom I will be his queen.

I’m a victim of an emotional breakdown
And yet they laugh at me because
I live on recycled memories to save me,
And moments of daydreams to hold me together.

My rejected body feels no pleasure from a love
I once called my own.
In that dark room is where I find comfort,
Hiding from prying eyes to ward off
Ridiculous chatter of judgmental thoughts.

Leave me to wallow in misery for the time being.
It’ll only be a minute or two,
Then I will walk away with nothing more than
My sanity in tack,
Refusing to look back
To see what I’ve left behind.

No reason to go season after season
Wearing the same face of sorrow.
The power to change the future ahead of me
Is in the grasps of my hands,
I simply need to turn the knob and open the door,
Take one step,
Then another and I will be on my way.

I’ve cried my last tear of pain and sadness.
Let me shed the wounds that bind me to a state
Of mental depression.
I can see my smiles in the distance,
That place where happiness reigns.

Goodnight sweet surrender,
Into the blue horizon I travel,
To find my soul to live once again.
And if he should remember me,
Let it be in lost memories he let
Slip away in the far corners of his mind.


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