Archive for the Pain Category

My Freedom

Posted in Emotions, Love & Pain, Love & Relationships, Pain on May 18, 2015 by Poetic Flow

Tattooed to the skin of my body
Is the freedom of life.
I have walked one hundred miles
To escape the confusion
Of you
And your hurtful tongue
That cuts me down.

You do not control
The ground to which I walk,
The air to which I breathe.
You have no control over
The morning glory
That brightens my day
At the rising sun.

I am not held captive
To your amazing grace
Because I see right
Through your layers of insecurities.
No longer am I bound
By the pretentiousness
Of your idealistic world.

I spread my wings like
The butterfly I am,
Escaping on the winds of dawn
To find refuge in the comfort
Of my new home called life.

To your own deception and quiet calm,
I leave you to wallow in an
Unspoken guilt
To live without me to use
As your vessel and tool
Of mental anguish.

Goodnight sweet prince,
As our kingdoms part ways
Into the night where we once
Danced the minuet
Under the silver moon.

For the book “Imperfection: Of Life’s Devine”
Written May 18, 2015
All Rights Reserved

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Dancing With the Devil

Posted in Body & Soul, Pain on November 20, 2013 by Poetic Flow

I’ve had my heart right here.
To Find different ways to love you,
Always loving you the right way.
Was it ever my destiny
To give you what your heart deserves?
And all I’ve ever tried to do was
Just that,
And yet you’ve never seemed to
Remind me where my place was,
Which was never first in your soul.

At first you gave me your joy.
It was a world of you I was exposed to,
It made me open myself to you,
Let you explore places within
No one has ever gone.
That was what lovers was supposed to do.
That’s how I felt about you.

Wherever there was pain,
You wrapped your arms around me
To shield me from the aftermath.
And in the changing of the tides,
Our ships that collided,
Bringing us one to one
Where suddenly found that we
Were sailing in different directions
And there became this disconnect
That drove me away from you.
You away from me.

That day when our hands clashed
In ways that separated our souls,
Ripped at our hearts
That I was ready to leave then
But there was that flame that held me
Captive to your heart and soul,
To who you were to me,
That stepping out on that path
To a new land just didn’t seem
Where I needed to be.

My happiness fell from grace
When I opened my eyes in a dream
And did not see you there.
I held out my hand and the hand of an angel
Reached for me and pulled me into
His place of tranquility.

I cried no tears to wish for you
To be at my side,
And yet,
In the distance I could see you
With no expression on your face
Until the day you realized I was gone.
It was then in the rain tears fell
From your eyes.

I have fallen from you.
You have — somewhere in your spirit — let me go
And freely I have walked away.
One last time I stepped into your domain
To gather that world that was once mine
To take it away from you
Into another dimension,
You took me by the hand
And I could feel the fire from you
Rising up into my blood.

In an instance,
Our bodies were together like magic
Sexing under your moonlit sky.
My heart and mind wanted to say no
Yet my body wanted the experience,
If even for one last time,
That experience,
Which we only came to know
So many years ago.
And it was good,
Feeling like the first time
We danced this dance.
You were like dancing with the devil.

I felt the weight of your love
Reigning like a sunshine of gold.
Intoxicating and I was obsessed,
Wanting more than I was allowed to taste.
You touched me in places
Where my body was at your command.
We danced between the sheets of your
Sweet ecstacy,
And I poured out to you all the passion
My body could hold and willingly give.
You were like dancing with the devil
With your trickery of romance
In attempt to close that door
I had once walked out of.

Don’t make me say I love you
In this state of bodily being.
Forever do not take me back to that place
When loving you was all I wanted to do.
When loving you was all I knew.
Love me up then let me go,
You can exist in your world without me.
Please do not cry for me.
For I have not shed one tear
In this moment of being.
Leaving you seems to easy,
Yet it feels so hard to say goodbye.

From the book “Imperfections: Of Life’s Divine”

Talking to the Moon

Posted in Life, Love & Romance, Pain, Poetry on February 26, 2013 by Poetic Flow

Pondering the thoughts
Of yesterday’s time.
The wind blowing around
The thoughts in mind of
Where in this place we are.
Somewhere on Lovers Lane
That love I held strong in
My soul for you has become displaced.
And thus I sit here
Talking to the moon
Trying to find where it is
I lost my way.

There is no doubt
In these feelings I feel
That I do still love you from
The bottom of my heart,
But when my eyes envision your face
From a distance when you are not here,
I don’t see the same man I loved
When we first walked down
Flower paved roads.
And thus I sit here
Talking to the moon,
Trying to find where it is
We go from here.

I will never ask you
If your love for me has changed.
I am not accustom to the words
Fear and rejection for they
Hold me captive to my own misery.
You once gave me
What the world could never give me,
Your undying love and devotion,
Your affection that grounded me
And made me whole,
Your warm embrace that protected me,
Your tender kiss that soothed me,
Erasing my troubles for just that moment.
I never feared loneliness because
You were always there,
Your songs of faith and devotion
Sheltered me from those who
Never cared for me.

We were one in the eyes of those
Who would see us.
Our laughter filled the air
Soaring on the tail end of the wind.
My heart used to skip a beat
Whenever you weren’t around,
And I slept sleepness nights
If you weren’t at my side.
That was when you and I were one.
When love was something we had
To hold on to.
And thus I sit here
Talking to the moon
Fighting back the tears,
Regretting the days that have
Pushed us a part.

If in a day,
You want to blame me for the missteps
Our love has taken.
Let me lay down my pride and selfishness,
And take the beatings your words
Shall give me.
The harshness only you know how
To inflict on a woman’s soul.
If in this time your forgiveness
Goes unfounded,
Then let me go into a world of the unknown
Where I will not back track to find you,
Only to keep moving forward
Into happiness bliss
To find where it is I truly belong.
Just don’t keep me here
To remind you of those things you’ve lost
Because if you open your eyes
You are a reminder of the things I’ve lost 
That time can never replace.

And as I sit here
Talking to the moon,
I can only make one simple wish
To ask if in this lifetime it is not
Meant for you and I to share in
What we’ve wanted for so long,
That we equally set each other free
To go into our own
Corners of different worlds
To be where it is we truly want to be,
To do what it is that makes us whole,
To not drag out a togetherness
Built on false pretenses.

From the book “Imperfections: Of Life’s Divine”
February 26, 2013

Good Morning Uncertainty

Posted in Emotions, Pain on January 8, 2013 by Poetic Flow

I heard it once said,
That in the wake of uncertainty,
It will find itself sitting at the edge of the bed staring back at me.
It’s arms will be folded,
It’s legs will be crossed,
And it will have a very distinct look on its face.
The look of uncertain moments to come.

I heard it once said,
That even though you are smiling,
Behind that smile is a broken person.
I am that broken person.
Awakened to the face of uncertainty,
Wondering when will the pieces be put back together again.

I have not my mothers arms to run to,
To hide from that which has burdened me for so long,
The burden of life’s responsibilities,
Which I have to conquer the fear that rides along its side.
Regardless of how I have stood
Facing adversity in the face,
I continue to be kicked when I am down,
And never uplifted by that little array of hope
That shines from the light at the other end of the tunnel.

Good morning, uncertainty,
I know you well from this day going forward,
To the days of long distance past.
I wake to your wonderment from dreams
That leave me quivering,
And yet you smile down on me
As if to set my world a blaze.

Do not be so happy to see my worries surface
To be written all my face,
Showing from beneath the words of feeling fine,
And a smile that is supposed to hide what’s deep inside.
Though I am riddled with fright of how today’s time will find itself,
Spare me the agony by leaving me in this room to hide from the sunshine.
Let me weather the storms from inside my own box,
Shielded from judging eyes and pointing fingers.

This day I cannot see my feet
One in front of the other.
Standing still with nowhere to go.
Uncertainty has me held hostage,
And all that I can do is cry inside
The falling rain.

Good morning, uncertainty,
Go and leave me in peace to face the memories
Past years have left me with.
When I find the door to the trueness of  freedom and happiness,
That will lead to the end to these burdens that shackle me,
I will walk through it to greet the better days
I was once promised long ago.

In the meantime,
This is where you will find me,
A shot of tequila,
Uncertainty,
And me.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013
From the book, “Imperfections:  Of Life’s Divine”

Beneathe the Disguise

Posted in Love & Romance, Pain, Poetry on June 11, 2012 by Poetic Flow

Look at my smile,
The vision of sunshine
To any gloomy day,
That which wakes you from your dark sleep,
Moving you through the greatness of a day
You’ve only dreamed of.

Feel my kiss upon your lips,
Quenching your thirst of my love
You feed off of,
Easing your hunger
And destroying any doubts
Of my love for you.

Look into my eyes and see
The passion flowing through me
Like water down a glistening fall,
Forever am I there for you
To fulfill your needs and desires,
To host your heart’s itentions
Through the sacrifices of myself.

Have you looked deep inside me?
To see the hurt and pain that flows?
To see what’s behind the sunshine smile
You worship,
That you look forward to seeing every day of a day?
You fall asleep to my lullaby kisses
And gentle touches of affection,
That you neglect to see the beauty of me.
I sail off to sleep with a tear in my eyes
And a heavy heart.

I put on a daily disguise to hide
What you have chosen to ignore
And others cannot see.
What you cannot see.
I give so much of myself
Asking only very little in return
That my own cry for happiness,
The need for your love and affection goes unheard.

Look beneathe the disguise
To find the woman you left behind.
I am so far away from you,
Though I am here,
That I accept your your pitty of
Affection you throw my way from one time to another.
I feed off of your lack of attention
Just to exist in your world
That does not seem to include me.

You’ve pushed me in the farthest corner of your heart,
And yet I continue to give so much of myself.
If you look beneathe the disguise,
You’ll find an empty vessel
Clinging to the light of day,
Craving an ounce of life from the love
We once shared before time
Brought us to this place.

I continue to put on a friendly face
To keep the sun shining,
To not draw others into
My sorrow that’s been in long existence.
I tend to everyone else’s happiness
While my own happiness is drained.
And yet I live on
Behind the walls of your life.

If thou does not love me anymore,
Why keep me dangling on a string
And hiding behind a disquise,
Locked in the shadows of what used to be
Your love?
Throw me back into the ocean,
Setting me free.
If in the future our paths shall cross,
And if it’s in the cards that
Our lives shall meet again,
Then shall we revisit the idea of love
Between us,
If it’s to be,
Then God will say so.
If not,
No regrets for it was a fun ride
While it lasted.

Take a look behind the disguise
And see what you’re losing.
Don’t wait too long
Because then it could very well
Be too late.

I’m Not Enough

Posted in Pain, Poetry on May 22, 2012 by Poetic Flow

Where do I begin?
Except to say I’ve given my all.
Thrown myself at his tender mercy
And in return kicked to the ground.
I wear the mental anguish well,
Some would say,
And yet I’m standing tall,
Despite the war wounds I bear.

I’ve not the satisfaction
Of honor, respect
And true love.
Those were taken from me
So long ago.
With nothing more than my sanity to hold on to.
Forced to walk away,
I refused to look back
To see what I’ve left behind.
Afraid to carry that life into tomorrow.

It’s not enough to have worked my fingers to the bone,
That I’ve not bled enough blood
For someone who did not appreciate my spiritual being;
To give life to someone who cared not to
Mend my broken happiness
And love me the way in which I loved him.

I’ve not given enough to satisfy a thirst
I no longer can fulfill.
Never mind,
Tis the day will come when I will be fine,
And he will be a forgotten memory.
And I will be in the arms of someone
Whom I will be his queen.

I’m a victim of an emotional breakdown
And yet they laugh at me because
I live on recycled memories to save me,
And moments of daydreams to hold me together.

My rejected body feels no pleasure from a love
I once called my own.
In that dark room is where I find comfort,
Hiding from prying eyes to ward off
Ridiculous chatter of judgmental thoughts.

Leave me to wallow in misery for the time being.
It’ll only be a minute or two,
Then I will walk away with nothing more than
My sanity in tack,
Refusing to look back
To see what I’ve left behind.

No reason to go season after season
Wearing the same face of sorrow.
The power to change the future ahead of me
Is in the grasps of my hands,
I simply need to turn the knob and open the door,
Take one step,
Then another and I will be on my way.

I’ve cried my last tear of pain and sadness.
Let me shed the wounds that bind me to a state
Of mental depression.
I can see my smiles in the distance,
That place where happiness reigns.

Goodnight sweet surrender,
Into the blue horizon I travel,
To find my soul to live once again.
And if he should remember me,
Let it be in lost memories he let
Slip away in the far corners of his mind.

This Aching Feeling

Posted in Love & Romance, Pain, Poetry on May 2, 2012 by Poetic Flow

Do you think of me even in a moments passing?
Do you whisper my name even on the breath of a midnights wind?
Do you relish in the memory of the love I give so willingly
From my body within?
Do you feel for me how I feel for you?
Do you long for me in my absence
The way that I long for you when you are not there?
You, the one I have loved for so long.
Or have we come to find ourselves passing in the night
On different ships?
Drifting into worlds apart,
Non-existent to each other?

This aching lonliness I feel at the surface of my heart
Has thrown me into a frenzy of darkness,
A place where I have found solitude,
Where my tears reign supreme behind closed doors,
Never setting me free.

The love from your warm embrace is absent from my soul.
The love we made that brought our bodies one to one
Is that of a fading memory lost in the distance.
I see you there,
And yet invisible to you I have become.

This aching inside is that which I cannot shake.
Afraid that when I open my eyes you will be
That of a dream that’s left me
With kissless nights under Heaven’s moonlit skies,
And your tender lips that once touched mine will escape me
And be no more.
I was yours at one time, but only in a dream.

Did it ever occur to you that the days of distant pasts
Have come back to linger with regrets of the
Pain we’ve experienced,
That which has torn us apart in some unexpected way?
I have given all I could give of myself
Thus it never enough to satisfy you,
Or to return to the love we once shared.

If we have reached the end of the horizon,
I can only pray that the light that shines on the
Tail of the shooting star
Will bring us back together to live out our days
Like that which we once planned.
I will never cease loving you in this world
Or the next.

(For the coming book “Imperfections: Of Life’s Devine,”)

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